Dear Krish,
It’s been one year since we last had a conversation. Yet I am unable to decide whether you are truly away from me or within me. The pain that I have gone through made me realize who you are to me.
I am so comfortable in our friendship that I have become selfish about it. I have always thought of what if I lose my friendship, but I have completely ignored the fact that our relationship is entering the next level. That’s a moment of celebration but our fears turned it into a tragedy. But that is supposed to happen to erase all the illusions surrounding us.
It’s not me who is connected with you. It’s my inner child. Khud ko mei kuch na kuch karke sambhal sakthi hu. Lekin meri andar choti bachi jo hai, ise tumhare siva aur koi nahi sambhal saktha. You have become an ultimate companion to the child within me. That’s the reason why I have felt your loss deep inside me. Why because I haven’t lost you. I have lost myself.
Whenever we fight with each other and I take a firm oath not to talk to you again, whoever calls me starts speaking about you, I see and hear your name everywhere. Just like a magic as though as the universe is trying to bring us back together.
When you stay in my life I have so much to say. I keep speaking about you and our cute little funny moments with everyone. But when you vanish out of my life all of a sudden… I become so silent… es talking machine ke paas kuch hotha hi nahi hai baaat karne keliye!
I know missing is a must. But how long do you miss me to make me miss you? Really yaar, friendship is so stable and gentle like a morning breeze over a blooming rose. But love is so overwhelming like a chill wind over the sea coast. It won’t allow you to stand still or sit quiet; it makes you fly in between. I don’t know how you handled your feelings!
I blamed you for not expressing yourself… but you have expressed yourself in many indirect ways but I haven’t paid much attention. I remember from those chocolate exchanging days of ours, if you wanna convince me for something, you do create a similar scenario and narrate a story around it, to make me get your point without actually saying it. You being possessive about me, you speaking about your non-existing crush to make me feel jealous, the story of your first date, you struggling with insomnia… Jis kahani mei ithne saare kahaniya hai, kya tum us kahani ko adhura chod doge?
If your rejection is going to break my ego and enlightens my soul to unconditional love, that rejection is acceptable for me.
If this pain melts me down and burns away all the impurities within me, so that I can rise above the ashes as a phoenix, that pain is acceptable for me.
If this separation turns our emotional bond into an undeniable and unbreakable connection between us, that separation is acceptable for me.
Your vibes haunt me more than your memories. Yet I am not complaining, it doesn’t mean that you can take forever time to get back. Whenever we fight with each other we used to find a way back to each other. In fact, you are the one who made me believe in the fact that there are people who get back not only those who leave forever. Would you like to break the trust that you have built? No, right! I still believe that you will get back to me by conquering all your fears and insecurities.
Why because, I know that I was, I am and I will be the queen on the land of your breath.
Meri inthazar ko inthazar rahega, tumse milke riha hone keliye…
With love,
Your Sanvi💞.
*If this pain melts me down and burns all the impurities with in me, so that I can rise above the ashes as phoenix, that pain is acceptable for me.*
Such a great piece!!!
This line left me with goosebumps
Loved your writing
Thank you😊
Ur writing is so good that I could feel the pain as if i went through all that situations. Loved all ur lines❤️.